It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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