lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
