I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
