you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
