so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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