At least make sure they are 18
Why
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
