Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
