I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Still dying that you shit outside
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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