im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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