I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
