i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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