we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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