Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My bed smells like the plague
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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