i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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