Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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