I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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