You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ketchup is God's man juice
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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