I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize