I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
