I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
