My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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