i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
