if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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