i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
