I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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