i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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