I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
