Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
