those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will pee on everything he values.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize