There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
