The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
