I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
