I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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