What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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