Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are my feet made of real feet?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize