What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you had me at cake vodka
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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