shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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