My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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