Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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