I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
