I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
