I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
