If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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