69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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