Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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