Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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