last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
