You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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