There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
