Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
