This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
