You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
