Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
