bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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