I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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