They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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