I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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