this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
