Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
