Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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