dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
