i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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