I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
