Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
