do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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