i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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