You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
