he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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