Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
