so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
where are my eyebrows?
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