You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
