3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
