i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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