If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
