His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
